Sunday, February 26, 2006

The Circle of Life

Death follows birth, but today for me, birth followed death. A friend of mine lost her mother early this morning. What sadness. She was sick, but hadn't been sick for long. It opens old wounds for me. Even though it has been 12 years since I lost my mother, the pain is still near. A different friend called me to give me the news of the death. It was hard to hold it together, to get through the conversation without breaking down. I didn't know my friend's Mother, I ache for my friend. I ache for myself and my own loss so many years ago. I ache for my friend that called me to give me the news. She lost her Father 10 months ago, very suddenly. I knew her Dad. I ache.

I have always wanted a quick and painless death. Especially after watching my Mother-in-law suffer from cancer. She died 6 months after my husband and I got married. She was so sick, her death was welcomed. We didn't want to see her in anymore pain. A few years later, my Mom was diagnosed with cancer. 18 months later and her death was welcomed too. We didn't want to see her in anymore pain. Not for ourselves, but for them. They didn't deserve the pain. I think that prepared me.

When my friend lost her Dad, my first thought was that he didn't suffer. He'd had a massive heart attack. There was no saving him. Wow, he didn't suffer. But my friend................. She is still suffering, grieving the loss of her Dad. I am still sad. I think I have changed my mind. For my children's sake. I want them to be prepared. I want them to be at peace with life and death. If that means I am to bear the burden, so be it. I want to do everything I can to help my children through this life.

Life that is beginning everywhere, is beginning for my niece today. This was welcomed news today. Nine months ago it was not so welcomed, but today it was. My 17 year old niece gave birth to her baby boy at 12:30 this afternoon. We are happy that everyone is doing well. I am sad that I cannot be there, but happy still.

I went through the whole circle of life today, accompanied by a whole circle of emotions and I just have to say, "here's to tomorrow"!

Blessings to all.


moe said...

Congrats to your niece. 17 is young but, she has her whole life ahead of her. It's not an ending. It's a new beginning. I wish her luck. (I was 19 when I had my first)

FireDragon said...

You made me cry talking about mom.
love sis