Sunday, February 26, 2006

The Circle of Life

Death follows birth, but today for me, birth followed death. A friend of mine lost her mother early this morning. What sadness. She was sick, but hadn't been sick for long. It opens old wounds for me. Even though it has been 12 years since I lost my mother, the pain is still near. A different friend called me to give me the news of the death. It was hard to hold it together, to get through the conversation without breaking down. I didn't know my friend's Mother, I ache for my friend. I ache for myself and my own loss so many years ago. I ache for my friend that called me to give me the news. She lost her Father 10 months ago, very suddenly. I knew her Dad. I ache.

I have always wanted a quick and painless death. Especially after watching my Mother-in-law suffer from cancer. She died 6 months after my husband and I got married. She was so sick, her death was welcomed. We didn't want to see her in anymore pain. A few years later, my Mom was diagnosed with cancer. 18 months later and her death was welcomed too. We didn't want to see her in anymore pain. Not for ourselves, but for them. They didn't deserve the pain. I think that prepared me.

When my friend lost her Dad, my first thought was that he didn't suffer. He'd had a massive heart attack. There was no saving him. Wow, he didn't suffer. But my friend................. She is still suffering, grieving the loss of her Dad. I am still sad. I think I have changed my mind. For my children's sake. I want them to be prepared. I want them to be at peace with life and death. If that means I am to bear the burden, so be it. I want to do everything I can to help my children through this life.

Life that is beginning everywhere, is beginning for my niece today. This was welcomed news today. Nine months ago it was not so welcomed, but today it was. My 17 year old niece gave birth to her baby boy at 12:30 this afternoon. We are happy that everyone is doing well. I am sad that I cannot be there, but happy still.

I went through the whole circle of life today, accompanied by a whole circle of emotions and I just have to say, "here's to tomorrow"!

Blessings to all.

Monday, February 20, 2006

Happy Birthday To Me!!!!!!!!

Today is the big day, 39 and holding now. I got phone calls and emails wishing me a Happy Birthday. That was so nice and made me feel very loved. That's what Birthday's are all about, anyway ~ feeling loved.

When my husband got home from work, we all hopped in the car to go to dinner. Little did I know that my hubby arranged for the President of the United States! to drive by and WAVE at me!!!! (Okay, not really ~ but we did see the motorcade). And that felt special to me to be able to see that on my Birthday and for the first time in my life!

We got to dinner, a very nice Mexican Restaurant with great food and I got to have a Margarita! Which I had to slam the last several ounces b/c the baby wouldn't sit the entire meal and he was getting loud, so it was time for us to leave!!! I've had my fair share of one-year olds to know that his behavoir was completely horrifiying, I mean normal!!!

I did enjoy myself and after we got home, we had cake, the kids sang to me, my daughter gave me a present, then I sent them all to bed (in actuallity, that means that they whined, complained, stomped, cried, and I gave in and let them watch the new Sponge Bob Square Pants in my room and hubby and I watched House in the living romm ~ then I sent them to bed).

Saturday, February 18, 2006

My First Post

Wow, I have my own blog. Of course as soon as I get this started, I have to go break up a fight between 2 of the 6 kids....................

Well, now that the fight is settled, I will have to get to work. More later from me, I hope to be able to post on a regular basis. I love the blogging world.